Today’s parents are aware of the fact thattheir child needs a well-developed personality to survive and grow in current competitive socio-economic environment. Perhaps they are more worried than just being aware. Many a times parents are confused while raising the kids when they find that things are not happening the way they wish them to happen. Then we see the parents queuing up at child counselling centres to undo whatever they did to the child earlier.
It needs to be noted that, it is not the child who needs counselling but the parents themselves need it. Our experience while working with thousands of parents reveals that, if parents become aware of their own behavioural patterns and make some conscious changes, it will make greater impact on the personality of their child in long run.
Unfortunately, there are no Parenting Schools. Everybody of us pick up parenting from our own parents. That means, majority of times we pick up parenting styles from our parents. We behave with our children in the way our parentsbehaved with us. Knowingly, or unknowingly, we tend to just copy our parents. Hence, we see different types of parenting styles around and each style impacts differently on personality of the children.
There are five parenting styles which can generally be observed in our society. Each style will have specific effects on the personality of the child. Let us see one by one.
- Controlling: These are the parents who believe strongly on exerting all sorts of controls on the children. In fact, they try to control everything around them. Their primary belief is that if not controlled, children will go off the track. They expect a lot from children. They are bad listeners. In good old days this parenting style was used predominantly. It was popular amongst a typical set of parents. Though this style is useful in discipling the children, lot of ill effects on children have been observed.The consistent use of higher degree of this style impacts negatively on the personality of the children. The children tend to become shy, unassertive, low in confidence. They would generally be introvert and dependent.They become emotionally sensitive.
- Submissive:The core of this parenting style is Fear. They believe lot in Hard Work and expect the children to do lot of hard work. The fear within compels them to be fearful about children too. They are always worried about the well being of children and hence just don’t allow children to do anything on their own. As a result, the children when grown up, are just not in a position to take any decision independently. The parent’s submissiveness gets automatically transferred on the children. The personality of the children would be sincere and hardworking but the one who easily gets dominated by others.
- Casual: This parenting style could be best described as “Bindhast”. These are the people just not bothered about anything. Hence their entire approach is casual in nature, even while raising the children. This is a tension-free style. The core of this style is enjoyment. So, they enjoy everything. They allow children to do anything they want. Because of this style, the children are also likely to become casual in nature. The children become go getters. Children’s personality would be attractive and confident, at times, over confident. They will have high degree of risk-taking abilities may take undue risk too occasionally. Charming and enthusiastic personalities could be formed.
- Nurturing: The core of this parenting style is LOVE. These types of parents are soft in nature. They are very good listeners. Due to this quality, they have a strong emotional bond with their children. They sympathise, they empathise. This parenting style offers lot of freedom to the children while guiding and supporting them to choose the right path. This style provides lot of security to children by becoming protective. This style generally has a positive impact on the personality of the children. The children are likely to become confident and creative in nature. The children would be extrovert with high energy. However, at times, over-protectiveness of the parents could have negative impacts on the personality of the child in the form of indecisiveness.
- Matured:The core of this parenting style is RATIONALITY. Parents with this style are rational or balanced in nature. They are highly analytical or practical. Under the influence of this parenting style, the children are also likely to become practical in nature. They generally are unaffected by emotional traumas. These children are aware of when to do what. As their decision making is based on information or facts, the chances of decision being correct are more.
It must be noted that, both the parents being different individuals, can have different parenting styles. So, both the styles impact the personality of children. The idea of this write-up is to just create awareness about different parenting styles & their influence on children. The topic is vast & has lot of dimensions. However, you can surely reflect on which is your style & how has it impacted your child’s development. Feel free to write back to me about your reflections.
Uday is a renowned behavioural trainer & conducts parenting workshops under the brand name ‘Smart Palakatva’
Uday Vaidya: Founder Director Of Vitasta Learning Pvt. Ltd.
He was the Founder & Managing Director of M/s Resume Management Consultants Pvt. Ltd., (RESUME) (established in the year 1993), which is a well-known Executive Search Organization in Mumbai. Though begun as a recruitment firm, Uday always envisaged to enter into his passion areas – Training & Consulting. Right opportunities knocked the door & Uday started delivering training programs in several large corporates. Uday conducts training programs and workshops on various subjects related to Employee Development, Emotional Intelligence, Communication Skill & Public Speaking, Industrial Marketing, Interview Techniques, etc.Under the banner of Vitasta Learning, he co-facilitates an open Workshop ‘DISCOVER YOURSELF’TM. This workshop is based on the Globally Accepted Theory Of Transactional Analysis & has tremendous potential of solving majority of the interpersonal issues. Vitasta Learning also conducts ‘SMART PALAKATVA’TM (Smart Parenting) workshop for parents which is based on a psychological tool and has a scientific approach.